What About Now?
by Ruusukainen
Summary: Ginny and Harry lose their first born and have problems dealing with it.


**A/N –** This one has been on my computer for like forever. Just never got around to continue it pass the first page. (; I think it turned out okay.

**Summary -** Ginny and Harry lose their first born and have problems dealing with it.

**Disclaimer –** I don't own anything.

* * *

**What About Now?**

* * *

_Shadows fill an empty heart  
As love is fading,  
From all the things that we are  
But are not saying.  
Can we see beyond the scars  
And make it to the dawn? _

* * *

It had been one beautiful day when birds sang in trees and sun shone brightly in the sky. People had been smiling and laughing in the morning, happy to have awaken to such a nice day.

Things went downwards from there.

People had started to scream, children were separated from their mothers, houses were torn apart.

It had been one hell of a battle. The final battle with Voldemort. They had planned their strategy from the beginning, but they hadn't known when the battle was going to happen. But one thing went right.

The-Boy-Who-Lived did defeat Voldemort.

Harry Potter was a celebrated man, but he himself surely didn't feel like it.

There were thousands of dead bodies within the torn houses.

One was Emily Potter. The lovely girl, who always had a smile on her face and who looked exactly like her mother, when she had been little. The girl, who was only six years old and who would've had a bright future ahead of her.

But all that had gone with the killing curse that Voldemort had made sure to do before his death. He had made sure to take away the one thing that would take the Potters off guard.

* * *

Harry didn't remember much about the first days without Emily.

He made sure to occupy himself with work. He helped other Aurors to collect the bodies, to help the people that could still be helped. He helped with the rebuilding and putting the bad guys in jail. He would do anything as long as he didn't have to think about his little girl.

He remembered sitting one day on Emily's bed and holding her teddy bear. It smelled like her and it brought tears in his eyes.

He was so deep in his own sorrow that he didn't have the energy to look after his own family. He knew his wife was hurting more than ever before but he couldn't do anything about it. He was as broken as she was.

While he wasn't really living in the present he did remember all those times with Emily. They kept replaying in his mind and Harry didn't know if it was confusing or bringing him some sort of a relief.

* * *

_''You know what, Daddy?''_

_Harry turned his head towards the voice that came from the little girl sitting next to him. The girl was painting a picture of her family and Harry doubted he could've done it any better._

_''Yes, Emily?''_

_''Guess what I'm going to be when I'm a big girl?'' Emily asked, changing colour._

_''What?''_

_''Guess.''_

_Harry actually hated this but played along for his daughter's sake. Ever since she had turned two and had learned to talk there was no stopping when she started. The answer to what she was going to become when she grew up changed every couple of days._

_''Well... Umm... A teacher?''_

_''Daddy! What could I possibly teach when I don't know anything about anything?'' Emily said, looking at him like he was stupid._

_''Well, that's the thing. You'd have to study for it.''_

_''Too hard.''_

_Well then, what would you be?'' Harry asked._

_''An Auror.''_

_''But you'd have to study for that, too.''_

_''Yeah, but if you can do it, then so can I.''_

* * *

Emily had told him that just a few weeks before the final battle. His heart filled with sorrow when he taught about how she would've become the finest Auror there had ever been.

Harry turned his head towards the door when he heard it open wider.

* * *

A little boy peaked inside and found his daddy sitting on Emily's bed.

''Daddy?'' he asked, afraid his daddy would get mad at him for interrupting.

''Yes, Jamie?'' he asked quietly.

''Can I come and sit with you, daddy?'' he asked, not coming all the way to the room.

''Of course.''

With hesitating steps Jamie walked into the room and straight to his father. He was hesitant to sit on his daddy's lap so went to sit on the bed. He was just about to climb on it when his daddy scooped him up from the floor.

His daddy had never held him like this. Like he'd never want to let go.

''What's wrong with mommy?'' Jamie asked quietly, getting hold of the teddy bear.

''Is there something wrong with her?'' his daddy asked in return, pulling back a bit.

''I've knocked on your bedroom door for hours but mommy won't come out,'' Jamie said, trying no to cry. He was scared.

''Did mommy say anything before she locked herself in?'' Harry asked, a frown on his face.

''She just burst into tears and told me to leave her alone.''

''Did she tell you about your sister?'' his daddy asked in a whisper.

''A little. She said Emily won't come back,'' Jamie said, confused. ''Where did she go?''

His daddy looked at him with teary eyes and it made Jamie want to cry, too.

''Mommy meant that Emily has gone to a better place.''

''What could be better than being here with us?'' Jamie asked, confused.

''Exactly, son. Exactly,'' his daddy said and pulled him into a tight embrace.

Jamie hugged his daddy back.

* * *

Harry carried his son in his arms, not wanting to lose the touch.

They reached the master bedroom and found the door still locked. Harry pulled his wand out of his pocket and opened the door.

He found Ginny sitting cross legged on their bed, an open box in front of her.

Harry recognized it as the one which held hundred of pictures inside.

Ginny had a pack of them in her hands and was watching them with a slight smile on her face.

Harry went to her with Jamie in his arms and placed him on the bed. Ginny looked up and gave them a sad smile.

''It still feels like she'll walk through that door any second now,'' she whispered and leaned her head on his shoulder.

''I know,'' Harry said and put his arms around her shoulders.

Jamie took that time to approach his mommy. He sat on her lap and gave Emily's teddy bear to her.

''Are you mad at me, mommy?'' Jamie asked, looking serious.

''Why would I be mad?''

''Because I didn't go with Emily?'' Jamie said.

''Oh, Jamie,'' Ginny said, tears starting to run down her cheeks.

She pulled his son into a tight hug and gave him a kiss on the head. ''I'm happy you're here with us.''

Harry gave them a sad smile and started to look trough the pictures with the family he still had left.

* * *

_The sun is breaking in your eyes  
To start a new day.  
This broken heart can still survive  
With a touch of your grace.  
Shadows fade into the light.  
I am by your side,  
Where love will find you. _

* * *


End file.
